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i feel ok now...but there's still one thing in my mind that i cared about..i know it's a past issue about my me but i still consider it as a problem..i still don't have the answers to that problem...for now i just stay calm in relax i konw God will help me about it..i know God waiting for the right time to make that things clear in my mind...
who has no PROBLEM?!.... i think we all have problems in life....but if we need sometimes a space so that we can breath easyly.. we can set aside our problems and think good things in life and if the time comes that we serve all the strenGth and ready to fight for a battle or face problems we can do it..for me its depends to a person how he handles life. For me life is such a challenging and wonderful, i think im appreciating life right now...if your done with your college life..you will feel big different your ways and views in life you feel maturity, you can easily understand things around you that you can't explain when your a young...20's is still young but what i mean is the mental side, a lots of realization in life.. oh oh oh...let me read i again what i write coz i dont know whats my point here..
it was friday and everyone in the office suggesting, where to have lunch...every end of the week we have lunch out.. some say to aboy's,l'sea,imay's other say malls but they said its a usual place so they decided to eat near at school..its more affordable because its near at school which is nene's wll its good because its a student price and the food is really great..
as we go along to our lunch place..i was sitting in front with ms. happy and behind are my other officemate, i was so silent thinking about something in the past and listening to the music which is a little bit sad..i remember my brother who died a months ago and it happended that our driver made a shortcut to nene's which is along the place my brother die..it just came to my mind.." yeah, i been here before" with all the hope and prayers just to save my brothers life..and i clearly hear my mom voice "i dont want to go back to that place anymore its to much hurts done" ...and suddenly i keep fighting back my tears..and i was new to my self..why should i cry..its done!i put out all the heartaches when my brother buried..i accept all the things that happened..it's done!it's done!...and i saw this store's that i made my coffee and streets that i've walked at the middle of the night to buy towels and soap for my brother's hygiene..all that sad moments that happened in that place flashing back to my mind..his face, his situation before... i feelthat my hands are shaking and i felt excruciating inside..and i can't help but cry..
i thought i get over it..a months maybe its not enough to forget someone so close to you..and i think the aches will keep coming back..
i woke up early in the morning and have a cup of coffee,i cant live without coffee anymore..coffe makes me feel wide a wake...
i feel the cool out side and watch the morning dew on my heart shape teaplant..this teaplant is made by my boyfriend, he is so lovely he made a heartshape teaplant....its a wonderful day thanking God to have a another day. I prepared my dress to wear before i take abath i eat a little in my breakfast and by eight im waitng for ride to go to office.As i sit in my table i feel relief oh thank God i got this job, i open my planner check all the tasks and do something..im proud to myself! oh yeah, i have a job i can gain knowledge and money.
After work we do biking for healthy fitness, sometimes swim and we go to gym to sweat it out. Thats what i do for the whole week
its my routine ......
and in weekened i stayed at home watching my favorite episodes (grey's anatomy)! for 5 hours and then played around with my dog his name is spark, he is a belgian mallinois i throw balls and then he run it and fetch it and he will give it to you..nice dog it can give you a little joy, sometimes we walk along the subdivisions, sometimes i go out with my mom we go to mall to cool up..at night i surf the net..i surf my favorite celebrity brangelina, i always update myself about them i like the family he made he adopt childrens in a diffrent races its amazing,she got six childrens right now 3 adopted and biological...she's a great mom!
And if sunday i woke up early in the morning in go to church i thank God for everything...i feel incomplete for the whole week if i didn't attend the mass....
we all need companion.. even dog wants to feel with somebody..
when we are a kid we have lot of playmates to be with to share our toys and have fun. And our parents send us to school so that we can learn things that we must learn and thats the time we meet acquiantances, acquiantances that would be part of our life forever..maybe a friend or a foe or just simply a nobody....
when we are at school we have lots of friend. yeah, its natural..school is full of students.. and we have a big chance to gain more friends...
now that im facing a real world i realized how much important is the "friendship" facing this stage is really exhausting you need to be strong, to feel confident to be brave, couragious...life is not a joke..we need to be feel human beings ,to be complete and beleive me or not we need someone.. a friend a companion to be there in us and strenghtening us in our eveyday life... we all have problems in life i beat that, a little talk to our friend can light up our minds... a friend who ask if we're ok or not can make us feel how important we are.. its right no man is an island..we all need someone to be there always through good times and bad times...
if i where you guy's ..find a good friend, a friend to be there for you if you need someone to talk to and made you cheer up when your down..and if you find them be like them, be nice to.
..i had this Godfather before he is always present in my birthday's and graduation's day.. he always ask my mom and my dad to have some dinner when i was a little girl and i really enjoy eating my favorite meal and especailly my favorite pasta "spaghetti" i think kids love spaghetti because when i was a small i really like to eat it...yummy and saucey licious! he also teach me how to drive when i was in high school, one time i was to tired practicing and that's the first time he push me to do something to do it to learn it... he is so nice he acts like a father to me, he thinks about my future life..he really cared about my life he is the only person who is overprotected to me.. he wants to sure my life to be ok! and i really i appreciate everything he done to me and i said to myself when time comes that i can have my own, a job, a family i said to myself that i wont forget him i will be proud of him because he always their to make me feel happy and fine, and make me feel that im very important person..and one day it just suddenly change everything, i was on the right age"when he told me he is my father" at first i didn't take it seriously i set up my mind that this is just a joke, i think that he just said that things to me because he is aloner his childrens have a family and they can not take care of their dad anymore..his wife gone to, and my thought is all wrong..only to find out that he give up his family to be with me and my mom...he loves my mom and me..see how stupid he was just to be with us. We have a family to, i have a dad with me all of my life...and a siblings i cant give them up to like what he did....so i stop seeing him and i made him stop fathering to me...that he made his heart ache.. he begs to see me coz he said that he is my father im supposed to be with him. I cried i get hurt..i dont know what to do to him i ask a lot of people what should i do but all they can say is it depends on me. After this happened i never ask my mom if this is all true..i just want to forget it and live out of it.. i dont know if i had a right decision because until now i cared about him.. i get hurt when time comes that i remembered how he cared about me and how he wants to be with me as my parents...
i feel bad i dont anyone to get hurt.. i love my family i dont want them to get hurt and idont him to get hurt to but i need to choose only one to be with either to him or my family...
it was my first day in my first job..i was feeling great for having a job!OH YEAH!! at last i have a work...i been through a lot of interviews i encountered high professionals convicing them to hire me and a lot of exams, and job huntings. ..as i woke up at 6am i feel the excitement, thrilled(i don't know why" thrill" maybe because im to shy to meet the staff )..my time in is 9:00 am so what i did is i came early so that i wont feel embarass if you are newbies you will think how to impress them, you want to prove that you can be a good employee, you wil be prompt to greet them, you want your work to be perfect but other people said especially who had an experience that if you are newbies it's natural to have mistakes sometimes because you can't learn the job or you can't do accurately in your job if you are a first timer it takes time to master, it need more practice to make it perefect well that what i put in my mind so that i can have a peace of mind... and one thing that will concern you is the fellas! i mean your staff mates you need to adjust because your a newbies..all of them had moments and they bonded for a month and a year in you as a newbies will have to adjust to them cause your new... i think it wont take for a days to be with them to closely be with them like me..now it was my 3rd day of duty and im just here at my table alone familiarizing my work...and thinking what will happened soon and thinking about the lesson that i need to learn..i think this post is not yet done i'll try soon to post again about newbies.. it's fun!to be continued..
